A Hankering That's Neither Fish nor Fowl

After work today I was sitting on my bike in the parking lot talking beer and bikes with a co-worker. He had recently changed the exhaust on his bike. I guess he had been testing it out over lunch and wound up at a local brewery sampling their IPA. So we talked about the quality of each. He likes the exhaust (more throttle response, better sound) and loved the IPA (7.2% ABV and 80+ IBU).


By conversation's end I was hankering to ride off for a beer myself. A little chat about exhaust tones and I'd gotten a desire to ride which caused me to strap my helmet on while my friend was still yarning.  I felt vaguely rude for this but, I don't know, I just wanted to mount up and listen to my own exhausts for a while. How do you explain something like that? What is it about riding bikes that makes it impossible to get enough? How do you categorize something like this in your life? Is it a hobby, an obsession, an addiction, a lifestyle or just what?


Hobby? I'm not playing at this like I play at my other hobbies. Hobbies can be neglected for months without notice. I don't need to golf, brew or work on a Model-A every day, every week or even every month. Not so with riding. I do ride every day, and I don't get enough. I'm never able to leave it alone and not miss it. I guess when you behave like that then riding isn't a "hobby," especially not after 35 years.


On the other hand, it's not a lifestyle either. That seems a little too organic to me. A man who lives by the sea, has a boat, makes a living from fishing, is a fisherman. That's his primary identity. Riding is not that for me. I know guys like that. They belong to MC's and live eat and breathe "the life". I know that's not me. So it's not my lifestyle.


Quickly I'm going to dismiss obsession. There's a lot of that OCD-like stuff buzzing about these days. I've seen a bit of it. When you're obsessed with something or someone you can't talk about anything else. All conversations lead directly to that subject and there is a kooky tendency to collect odd related objects. Hmm, while some of that sounds a bit close to home, I'd have to say I can, when forced to, talk interestedly about other topics. And while I have two bikes, a lot of parts, tools and gear, not all my things are bike things.


Addiction is still further from the mark, I think. Addicts will do anything to get their fix, even foul, dishonest or destructive things.


Like the drive for food or sex, the desire to go riding is more like an appetite. Yeah, that's what I'd call it. Something that can be aroused in me as it was this afternoon. I respond to stimuli. Sights, sounds, smells or racy conversations get me going. And when I've been deprived for a time the hunger grows and preoccupies my thinking.


Tonight, for example, I had a hard time passing the evening. I couldn't read. I found myself glossing over the words in my book while my mind was on riding, motorcycles and maps. I'd already eaten, and snacked on top of that. I was casting about but could not really satisfy a restless feeling inside. Next thing you know, I was out in the garage puttering with my bikes. Now, I can't or actually shouldn't just burn up fuel by going for a ride around town. Besides, that sometimes only makes things worse. Just a little taste, a tease like that and I'm liable to ride off on a work night and come back late and laced with fermented barley. My appetite is not really satiated by this costless puttering either. I don't have any parts right now so I'm just adjusting and tightening and checking. This too just inflames this appetite. By dark I was seated alone in the garage in a camp chair beside my bikes hankering for a riding thrill like some wistful school boy sitting next to a girl he desperately wants to kiss.